Oh yeah, ha ha. The Panda Cam doesn't work any more 'cos it's been way past the 30 day evaluation time period. I'm too lazy to pay $10 for it. I'll just take pics and upload them periodically. Hooray.

I'm babbling. Totally random subjects. Ignore me.

Mreh, it's getting really hard to talk with Jeff online... I just want to be with him right now. It's really hard... you're there and you're talking and you can see the other person, but you're not *there*. It's sooo much easier in person. If he's feeling down I don't know what to say to him. I've never known what to say, to anyone, actually. So I dunno. He knows I don't really like to see him mad at whatever it is, but leaving in that state isn't really good, either. I'll let him deal with it the way he wants to...

And helping him revise his essays. >_< I know what he needs to write, he knows what he needs to write, and he just doesn't know how. But I can't exactly write out stuff for him, so I usually end up just suggesting what he already knows when I try to help, and then I don't really feel like I'm helping at all. I guess it's a little frustating, since I don't know how to suggest how to write stuff, I guess. =( Ahhh, I suck.

But I really do love him. If we had broken up I would be... I dunno what kind of state I'd be in. Probably would've sworn off all men or something stupid and just be a little hermit, ha ha. Or a little old lady with the billion cats. HA HA HA. But Jeff is for me, yay. I'm really happy we're together.

That and Wayne. Can't delve too deep into that right now.. but I want him to know that I'm here for him when ever he needs some help or guidance. I can't answer questions, but I try to help.

I've always had this strange habit (it's probably a bad one) of kinda not really ripping, but taking out a couple layers of skin off of the that's right next to my thumbnail. It's gotten to the point (actually a long time ago) where there aren't really any nerve endings, I guess, so it doesn't hurt (if I accidentally go too far tho I'm like HELL OW hehee). It grows back tho, and instead of fleshy it's sorta stiffer? Meh, I dunno if that makes me masochistic... probably not, ha ha, no major blood flow or pain or anything. Just an annoying bad habit I can't break. Usually when I'm bored. Ha.

I used to be able to control my crying. Now it seems I can't. I'm not bipolar... because I don't snap at people... maybe depression? Who knows. But I'm happy where I am, with who I am, and maybe I'm just getting really homesick again because it's so closing to flying back. Only 19 days! Agh, I can't wait. But those 19 days are going to be hectic hell. I have no fugging clue what I'm going to get in American Painting. Probably a C. Gah. Great way to start off the GPA.

Can you have a deja vu of a deja vu? Because if they exist, I just had one. O_o I'm so confused. Oh well.

Laaaaa, had dinner... lost all my other thoughts. Oh well.

Note to self: never EVER watch Moulin Rouge when Jeff is thousands of miles away. ;_;

Roxorz. I went to get a drink from the vending machines, and so 20 oz is $1.10. I stuck in the 5 quarters, one came back out... but it said I had $1.25. So not only did I get a Sprite, I got 15 cents profit. XD HA HA HA HA.

Yay for my Jeffie. He makes me not feel all graaah with the world. And he's an ocean away. *hugs*

I'M HAPPY. I bought some oils today at the mall, which I've been in need of. I've had an urge to paint, but I don't know what yet. I got some origami paper, too, hehe, so I can make some paper crane mobiles. Went around and saw prospective gifts... but I'm probably not going to buy stuff yet. Goodness, I can't type today... I just checked what I typed and there were all these mistakes. Lucy went toooo, from across the hall, and we seperated, but found each other at A.C. Moore Crafts and again at Target. Woo, I bought some Christmas lights! I should put those up now. They're kinda round teardropish looking? But they look different than the regular mini tree lights so I got them, even tho they were $2 more expensive. BUT THAT'S OKAY. They're pretty. Yay, I'd take a pic, but you can't see them all. XD And besides, my window's hella ugly. But that's okay!

... I feel like rearranging my side of the room tomorrow.

Weee, don't you just love when the weeks are finally going faster profs give you MORE work to do? Well, I only have two big projects to work on. Bio review paper and american painting essays... eh, why not add Japanese, since I need to practice speaking in a conversation environment.

Dooo be dooo, the past two days I was all grrraaaah! with the world. Then last night I finished 1984 which is damn depressing, but I think I like it more than Brave New World and so I was retarded and read it for two hours, going to bed at midnight, then having to wake up at 2am for a firedrill. I was not happy, 'cos I didn't wake up initially... I was dreaming for like, 2 seconds... but I don't remember actually dreaming, just feeling all panicky, and then I woke up and was all panicky 'cos I couldn't find my keys and it was dark and I didn't recognize my room for a second? :/ Kinda scary. At least isn't snowing yet. Gah. Can't wait for firedrills in the dead of winter.

I hate all the seasons now. Spring and summer are bad allergic rhinitis. Fall is eh, but I usually catch a cold or the flu. Winter is retarded 'cos my skin dries up really bad. But I still like winter a lot.

OMG A MONTH UNTIL I GO HOME. SO HAPPY. I'm actually going to try and shadow some people at the hospital, go to the gym, since I'm too retarded to go here when I really should because I say things like, oh I have work to do, and I haven't played my guitar in a while, and I haven't drawn in forever... well, that's a lie. I've sketched a bit, but no real pieces that I like.

AHHH. I have to buy Christmas presents for people. Or I can just be a retard and draw a semi-pretty picture and make it a card. XD

Sigh. Laundry today.

Wooo, it was raining earlier, but now it's SNOWING. YAY. Except for the fact that I have one more class to go to today. Arrrrr.

I think I ownzored the chem test.

Ha ha, I got an 89.5 on my bio test, but I lost 2 points because I'm stupid and think it's easier for cows to eat grass that lies low instead of grass that grows up high that's *easier* to feed on. YEAH, I'M STUPID. XD It was all about evolution and stuff and how the phenotype of the low one populated the area eaten by cows more than the tall one, but still!! COWS. RANDOM. I fail basic Animal Eating Habits 101. XD HA HA HA.

Har har, I complain a lot. XD

Off to study for chem.

Life must not be as interesting for me anymore since I don't blog as often as I used to. ¬_¬ Maybe I should go buy another one.

Har har. Laaaa. The last couple of months have been just grrrrrrrrrrrraaah. I'm learning stuff, learning Japanese, and strengthing my chem skillz, but I still feel arrrrr. I need Jeff. Hehe. We talked quite a bit today, it was so much fun. I'm probably going to be in a I hate the world go away mood until he moves back here. Ho ho ho. Oooooh, TIME FOR FOOD. I need to go see a dermatologist soon. ;_;

It seems I am living in what is known as the ghetto dorm. Har har.

Never got around to dressing up for Halloween. Did take pictures of myself as an angelic faerie-winged panda in pajamas, tho.

Laaaaaaa. Skool bites.