I just talked with Jeff today for like, 6 hours, 'cos todays' Mountain Day and that means no classes hooray! I feel like I have no energy to do anything... I want to do stuff, but I want to do that stuff with him... like biking around campus or just walking around.... anything. But he's not here, so I don't want to.

Sigh. I have a chem test to study for tomorrow. I'll just read my bio then study. Arrr, I have some Japanese homework, too.. I guess I'll get that over and done with.

I <3 you, Jeff.

Fixed the stupid updating problem. I wrote the pathway wrong or something.

I really hope that scribble.nu is just down and didn't die, because if it did, FUCK I've just lost all my journal entries for 4 years. I know I should've saved a copy of them on my HD, but dammit, I was too lazy. FUCKING DAMN.

I have random ones saved, and the only one I was able to retrieve tonight was the last one I had written. I mean, it's not totally horrible, but still, it's a big loss. Someday I wanted to show it to my kids or something and be like, yeah, follow what I say or THIS will happen and stuff. And how crazy I was. Now all I can say is I was such a crazy person back in the day when I was in high school. Yeah, and they'll roll their eyes at me. HA HA HA. Arrrrrrr. I want to shoot something.

Otherwise, I got a bike today! It's green and I <3 it very much and it folds in half. It's so freaking awesome. I haven't ridden a bike for a long while now. I'm shaky when I'm going really slow, but it's not like I can't ride. Har har.

DAMN YOU SCRIBBLE. DON'T BE DEAD.

Yay, I met a computer nerd in chem lab who likes to code HTML. YAY. And her hair is neat... I envy. It's black, but it shines blue. I want my hair to do that.

But it probably wouldn't if I dyed it, 'cos it's already black. XD Ha ha.

But anyway in Nov/Dec sometime I'm going to get a couple or so slightly red streaks. Yay.

It's raining. Blah. Reminds me of Germany. I kinda expect to see German people walking around... gah.

Laaaaaaaa. I'm tired. I want to play my video games... but I can't. ;_; Sigh. Too much work.

Weeeee, learned yesterday that none of the seniors get CD yearbooks. I'm really sorry, but Mrs. Hartman = the devil. I never liked her. She just oozes bad vibes to me. Sigh. Meghen and Wayne and Belinda could probably say more, since they were actually in yearbook. I just checked like 50 pages for errors, so I didn't deal with her as directly as they did.

But anywho, I contacted some more Ramstein peeps milling around various parts of the US. Yay, I am slowly accumulating more emails.

Saturday I went to dinner with Tina's family, 'cos they came up and brought a rug for the room, and Tina's printer. Tina's sound stopped working after she installed the printer, but I couldn't fix it, weeeeee.

Weee, talked to Drew for a bit this morning. It was fun. ^_^

Everyone wants Mountain Day to come. Pretty much the prez of MHC picks a day and goes "It's Mountain Day!" and there are no classes and everyone's *supposed*

Corn muffin... yum. Dear God, please don't let me be allergic. I'm probably not allergic to the corn part, but the muffin part. Sigh. Damn, only ate the top part of the muffin and my mouth is itchy.

Har har har... all my friends from Ramstein can't wait to go back for Christmas, either. Gah, I miss everyone... even some people I never really talked to all that much. STONEHENGE TRIP. Gah, we are so going. I'll have to scrap up some money by Dec... crap. Oh well. I'll find some way. :/ Weeee, I wanna see Meghen and Wayne. They're all the way over to the West Coast. Weeeeee. Oh well... it kinda roxors having friends all over the place, 'cos I can crash there. :P And even outside the US, too. HOORAY FOR GYLC.

There's just one thing I have to say: (overseas) military brats kick ass.

I added comment thingies. Laaa.

The Pretty Dancing Panda


The dancing panda that lives in your dreams
Is only pretend or so it seems
But during the night when you are sleeping
She'll be on the prowl, silent and creeping
You'll never know that she's on the move
Because this dancing panda has her own special groove
When you are snoring, you will still know
That dancing panda is putting on a show
But now and forever remember it's true
This silent big bear is dancing for you
And when you are snuggled all comfy in bed
The pretty dancing panda isn't just in your head


I found this at some girl's geocities site XD I thought it was amusing (actually first I was like wtf, hehe)

Blah, I probably shouldn't be chatting with Jeff as much as I am... I chatted with him on and off for pretty much 6+ hours. Didn't really get much work done. Beh. Stupid work. None of it is really hard, but it's just so much. It's stupid. I don't feel like doing most of it. Which is mostly bio and chem. Chem I will do tho because I like chem. Bio I don't like so much, although it could just be because I picked 150B instead of 150A. :/ Too late now, but whatever. I'm still undecided whether I want to major in chem or bio. I'm leaning towards chem at the moment.

Japanese is fun. Yesterday at the language table we learned the Kaeru no Uta. :D It's so cute and it's about frogs. Kuwa. :D

Weeeee, anyway. Basically I was genki and happy talking to Jeff, then I got in a funky low mood, then was happy again, and then sad because I'm always sad when he has to leave.

The one thing I hate about chatting, tho, even with (ghetto) cams, you can't know the other person's feelings and properly react to them. I never know if someone's making a sarcastic comment unless it's outrageous and obviously sarcastic. Or if I know that person always make sarcastic comments. But Jeff doesn't. So it's really hard for me to know if I'm truely bugging him to death or if he can stand me teasing him. Which is why I get into funky moods, because then later we're like, eh, something earlier that you said/did bugged me. And it totally sucks. Because I don't want to hurt him. Neh. I really should try and be happier when I talk to him so he'll be happy, too... but I get sad if he's sad. So yeah, sometimes I feel like he doesn't pay attention to me enough while we're talking, but it's not his fault because that's just the way the internet is... and I guess I do the same, too. Stupid internet. But yeah, then he does pay attention to me and it's yay, happiness. Maybe I'm just too dependent or clingy. Gah.

I know I was sick a lot last year (totally sucked, too, I hope I don't get sick a lot this year), but it seemed like to me I cried a lot more second semester than first semester. I don't know if my happiness and sadness have to be at the same levels to keep in balance, because I was okeh first semester and didn't really get sad about anything, but after March/Aprilish I was really happy, and then, sometimes I have absolutely no clue why, I'd be really sad (and most of the time accompanied by crying, gah). Mostly around my period, but since I've left it's been whenever I think about Jeff and get sad that I can't see him. (About my crying... before I'd cry maybe every couple of months or once a month, but not really about anything in particular... I just did. And I would feel better afterwards. Now I cry a whole lot more (sometimes days at a time), usually just a few minutes, but while I'm crying I feel like a total retard for crying and then I'm crying about crying (is that possible) and then I stop and get miffed at myself for crying.

Sometimes I just hurt inside. I asked Jeff about that and he said it's because we love each other so much. That's what I thought, too, and so it's nice to know that he thinks that way, too... but it still sucks that we both hurt. It's not a great feeling at all.

We did have a sort of heart-to-heart at the end of the conversation... and although most of it was sad, there were some funny points.

And it's only been a month and a half. We still have three full months to go. Sigh.

Jeff is really supportive, tho. I hope I'm doing the same for him.

But I really do love Jeff... I do.

Blah, I feel like how I felt back in 11th grade. Not really feeling like I had something to strive for. I'm probably just in a funky mood right now.

Weeeeee, just about 3 months until I can see Jeff! w00t!

O ho ho ho, I can't wait until May and see my little vampire graduate. (And all my other friends, too.) HA HA HA I wonder who the val and sal are gonna be (probably Brian and Heather hum) and what their speeches are gonna be about.

Gah, senior year was so much fun. ^_^ Fond, fond memories. I think my high school experience just got better and better along its life of four years... (although I still do dearly miss the Nermals!) Har har, college went to a superb start... with me so freaking homesick even before coming here and then having to adjust to the allergens (sneezing my nose off, yay), and getting sick. SO MUCH FUN, I KNOW.

Laaaa, I think I'm starting to enjoy myself. Although I don't have any friends yet, I do say hi to lots of people. I am slow at making friends. Ha.

Yay, Saturday I got to go visit Krystal in Boston! XD It was much fun.

My uncle came up from CT and drove me over there. *huggles uncle* On the way at a rest stop we got some donuts and ahead of us in line were two guys.. they looked about 12, maybe 13. Maybe even 14. Anyway, nothing out of the ordinary until one of them randomly "caresses" the ear/neck of the other one for a split second... in a playful manner. O_O I ignore it. They get their stuff, I order... and while I'm waiting I turn around and they're both in a car. With the younger looking one (he looked 12, dammit) GETS IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT. And then they share their drinks or whatever, and then THEY DRIVE OFF. My uncle, the lady working at Dunkin Donuts, and I were all "O_O OMG WTF"

Very scary.

Anyway, KRYSTAL!!!! I wasn't able to see her much (if at all, damn my memory sucks) when I visited San Antonio last year. WEEEEEE, I saw her room and I met all her crazy cool musical friends (Cassie was just a tad bit taller than me? She was funny. :D ) and we went shopping with them. They left for the Red Sox game and I hung out with Krystal. We just really went shopping, 'cos there wasn't enough time to walk the Redline. Next time. :D It's so groovy we're just two hours away from each other!!! *huggles Krystal* I'll have to show her around my ghetto town sometime. There isn't really much here, except for parties that I don't go to because going to parties where I don't know people are scary? O_o Well, I live in the paper town. Yay.

Soooooooo, since all the stores will just a bit more fashionable than say, Target, and my mum wants me buying more dressy/casual clothes, I found a skirt on sale at the Banana Republic that's really cute, and machine-wash/tumble dry low! Too many damn dry clean only clothes there. Anywho, there was a dress like it, but it wasn't all that flattering, and I wouldn't have much to wear it to. So, I got the skirt. The tag said originally $90, then it was ticketed to $60. I was like, okay, that's a little expensive, but since I'm only buying this one skirt, why not? So I did, and got out two traveler's checks ('cos they were $50 each, ya know) and signed them both and THEN I look up at the register and it only came up as $40. HA HA HA. It was a nice surprise, tho. So then later I go buy a cute panda itching its nose and a groovy paper lantern mobile (it's against the wall at the moment... trying to figure out a way to get it out in the room w/o breaking the "no hanging stuff off the ceiling rule") and used my other traveler's check. :D Aren't I smart. And then Krystal and I went to Starbucks. I had my very first Tazoberry. YUMMY YUMMY. Krystal got something yummy, too, but I forgot the name. It had vanilla in it, tho. So yay, then my uncle came back and he brought us to this Chinese restaurant not too far from Chinatown and we had yummy food, which I've still been eating the past two nights to get rid of it. XD I STILL HAVE SOME LEFT. Maybe for one more dinner. Anyway, I really think I had eaten there before 'cos it was across the street from where Uncle Al lived. But back then I was like, 12 or something and the restaurant was a little hole in the wall, but still good food.

Hehe, so then we brought Krystal back to her dorm and my uncle drove me home. Yay.

Boston doesn't seem that bad of a city to live in. I'd definitely like it better than NYC. Laaaaa. I'm thinking med school in MA, so that's 3 skools in Boston and one in Worcester. I wonder how competitive they are. Not getting in, but the people in the classes. :/ We shall see.

I am reminded of Jeff at the moment, for I have just squeaked like him. Can't wait until next year, when he finally comes back to the states.

W007! I should get my tablet tomorrow. *excited*

Sunday, um. Didn't do much. XD

Chem is easy. XD I got 4/4 on the first quiz.... hoorah. I hope it'll be this easy the rest of the semester. Get a big, fat A in my GPA for harder classes later. Hehe. Japanese was groovy, we had our hiragana test and I think I did well on it.... and it was cool 'cos we could leave when we finished, so I finished in like, 10 minutes. I had lunch 45 minutes earlier than usual. It was nice and not crowded.

I still haven't visited the medical people. HA HA HA.

I got a bus map but it goes north of where I am instead of south, which is where I want to go. :(

Weeeeeee, the week is finally over. I haven't done any homework today. Yay. I'll do it Sunday.

I get to write a 1-2 page essay on caffeine. Roxors. The point is just to learn how to use the resources in the library, but I like that I get to choose my topic. I am a caffeine addict, weeeeeee!

I need to get that shirt from thinkgeek.com.... actually, I need to get a lot of stuff from there.

My tablet should come tomorrow! But I won't be here to pick it up. :( But I'm still excited!

Laaaaaaa, I need to learn how to use the bus system around here...... I do like going to malls once in a while... but the one in Holyoke has a Target and a Best Buy totally attached to it so it ROXORS and there's a HOT TOPIC and yeah. And this really really distracting store full of pretty things I want to buy to decorate my room with but would totally make me broke in one trip if I even stepped foot in there. And a Waldenbooks. WITH THREE FULL SHELVES OF MANGA OMG I <3.

But I'm poor.

Yay, some people are getting sick... I'm not the only one! I think I'm getting better, actually. Poor Cooper and Jeff and Becky, tho. Being sick sucks.

Laaaaaaaa, I have a Japanese test on Monday. I hope it won't be too hard. Nemoto-sensee basically gave us the stuff that's going to be on it. I made flashcards of hiragana THEY REALLY HELP WEEEEEEEE and now I only have like 4 hiragana that I get stuck on. Roxors.

We still have to cover the little y's and the little tsu, but that's okay. It's not horrible.

Chem is boring. ;_; I want Ms. Campbell; she roxors. Oh well, it's okay. It'll fluff my grade if I have a hard class in the future.

Ahhhhhhhm, I have an awesome poster I got the other day. It's a kitty that's on the edge of this branch and it's juuuust about to fall off and in big white bold letters it says "OH, SHIT" IT IS THE BEST POSTER IN THE WORLD.

I ended up not going to the med center. Ho ho ho ho. I will sometime. :/

Yayayay, my mum is ordering me a tablet! HAPPY DANCE.

Weeeeeeee, talked to Wayne. He's having fun, which is good. I wonder if he and Ana will get together again... I don't think I've actually seen a picture of them two together, but I bet they look cute together.

Laaaaaaa, what else. OOOOOH. I saw four GUYS today. WEEEEEEEE. And not guys who are old and work in the kitchen downstairs or trim the bushes on campus or construction workers. COLLEGE GUYS. Weeeeeee! They were at the l337 student center raising money for a memory walk. It was so weird. I probably wouldn't have ever gone up and talked to them, but since I'm at MHC WITH NOOOOO GUYS I went up and chatted a little bit, asking them why they were here (HA HA HA) and that Jeff wants to apply there. Fun stuff. And they were all eating pizza. XD It was just.. I wanna say cute... but yeah. Nevermind. I'm crazy and guy-deprived.

Meh. I want to huggle my Jeffie now. He's soft. And hot. I like his spikey hair look. :D it's not the usual kind of spikey, so it's different... and it like.... turns me on? HAR HAR HAR.

Oh yeah, the only reason why we (Tina and I) saw the guys was 'cos we went to sign up for some community service stuff. Weeeee, I want to work with the medical library. And it wouldn't take up so much time. And we get transportation, yay.

Dooo be dooo, time for more Noir! I hope the Japanese I hear gets into my head. Eh. Wakata I think is I know/understand... ? Hmmmm... oh well.

Laaaaaaa, I'm still kinda sick. Not coughing as much, but damn, I wish I knew who made me sick. :/ Blah, I have to go see the medical people tomorrow because I need to see an allergist about my stupid food allergies. Which are supposedly more dangerous than my plant allergies? I dunno. Food doesn't give me nosebleeds. Anyway. I'm going tomorrow 'cos I'm too lazy to go today.

I <3 my Jeff.

I think I'm going to do bio, take a shower and watch more Noir. Bai bai.

You are The Cabin Boy

You, me lad, are an activist! You will not only change the world, you will make a dyed-in-the-wool Pirate dream of you in a sheep costume. You are the embodiment of the love that dare not hoist its sail! Ahoy thar! You could make a two-patch Pirate turn his head - but then he would lose sleep over it and what good would that do anyone? An innovator, you are WAY ahead of your time - and everyone else's. You are sensitive and artsy-fartsy. You say things like, "artsy-fartsy" but there is always a slight giggle in your voice when you say it - like Paul Lynde on Hollywood Squares delivering a staggering punch line. Speaking of "punching" the only "punching" you would do is punching up that outfit with some accessories - say, a little bandana and some glass beads. You're not the Pirate we want in a fight, but we want you there for the crying game that follows! You go, girl.

What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!

Yay, archives work. Layout will probably come in like, 5 months. Ha ha.

Must remember to ask mum to order wacom tablet.... or some random stranger will be nice and buy me a quartz graphire2 tablet and give it to me.

........ I think I might actually be getting hips now. Several pairs of old jeans refuse to fit around my waist/hip area. And my only pair of khaki pants. Well, at least now I can slowly buy a new wardrobe. Slowly. Ha ha, it's been two hours. I haven't gone back to studying Japanese yet. I think I will, now... and go to bed at 10. Tina'll probably come back in the room at 11 or 12... yeesh.

What the hell made me choose Mount Holyoke. Ahhhh. Oh well... I like it, except that I've been here a week and have already had 3 nosebleeds, one of which being very bloody and wouldn't clot very well (pretty much the worst one I've had since I was a kid) AND THE LACK OF HOT GUYS... or just guys in general. I have made up for this by making a collage for my desktop full of my manly friends from Ramstein. Last night I also put up lots of pictures on a piece of posterboard... so I've got peeps from San Antonio and Ramstein on there... along with a couple of family photos... and one has my grandpa, who passed away in May but I couldn't leave Germany for the funeral because of all the activities I had commited myself to. Even tho I wasn't really close to him, I miss him. He was always very humourus, even with Alzheimer's. I'm glad I got to see him one more time last summer. It didn't really hit me that he was gone until a couple weeks ago. I hope he's having a grand time in Heaven. He deserves it.

Weeee, I don't know how I got on that track. Anyway, Thursday I started classes. I only had Japanese and American Painting. That's my lightest day of the week. Mondays are pretty harsh, but Wednesdays and Fridays are killers, because not only do I have 3 classes in the morning starting from 8:35am and ten minutes apart from each other, I have either bio or chem lab from 1-3:50 in the afternoon. Someone shoot me. There was no other way to schedule my classes, since I'm going for a Biology major with my own designed minor of Japanese and Japanese studies. And since I'm shooting for pre-med, too, I'll pretty much have 2 lab sciences each semester. This year is pretty much bio, chem, Japanese, and some other course that's in the afternoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays like American Painting is. American Painting is actually a 200 course, but there's no prerequisite and I talked with the prof and he was cool about it. There are two other first years in there so it shouldn't be too bad. I must brush up on my compare and contrast skills, tho. Blah.

With Japanese I'm learning the 15-25 hiragana before we're introduced to them in class so I have a better grasp of them. Seems fun, and pretty much half of the people who are in there are anime fans... roxors, I can't wait for Bellatrix to pick up, so I can chill on Friday nights at 9pm and watch anime with other anime freaks fans. I still have a bunch of anime on my computer from Jeff and Alex to watch, right now I'm on episode 7 of Noir (OMG the cat in ep 6 I think is SO FUGGING CUTE), but I'll get around to it. I'm pretty much watching an episode a night. Don't know if that'll work tho, once my homework load is under way. Chem I don't really have worries about since I took AP chem and the problems for each Chapter are due each Friday, so that's cool.

With Bio, tho, there are supposed to be pretests online... but the fugging thing won't let me sign up with it. Blah. It's so weird, tho. Tina, my roommate, Anya (from across the hall), Lucy (Anya's roommate), and I are all in the same Bio class. It kinda rocks... so we can help each other if we're stuck on stuff. Ha ha, I haven't taken bio since freshman year. I've heard lots of people say why do they have to take classes again when they've already taken it... I dunno. I took the AP tests and all (and only get 4 credits for Physics... I don't really place out of it) but those suxored. I guess I like to think of highschool as some preparation for college. Well, duh. I don't know what I'm trying to say.

I rearranged my room with the help of my uncle on Friday. My mum doesn't like that my bed is next to the window. I might think up of some other ways to rearrange it sometime. I also went shopping with my uncle, getting notebooks and paper and stuff... and I got an Invader Zim messenger bag~ roxors. It's so huge, I love it. I don't know what I'm going to use it for, since I'm using my backpack for class. Oh well. I <3 Invader Zim.

Today Jeff finally got a headset, so we were able to talk on MSN with our cams and talking. Thank you JR for reminding me to upgrade to MSN 6, ha ha ha. I had upgraded the new computer at home, but I totally forgot that I hadn't done it on my own computer. So now it's fine. Jeff and I talked on and off for about 9-10 hours... if we weren't talking it was 'cos one of us was off eating or we were reading our schoolwork. It was so nice to talk to him. I really do miss him... and the physical seperation is really hard, too. He he, I miss him poking me. We've never had a fight in our six months together, which I'm really happy about. I'm not sure if this means we're in for some terrible fights in the future, but I don't like to think about that. We're both pretty laid back, and since I left, we both found one thing that kinda annoyed the other, but they're both really trivial and don't affect us anymore 'cos we talked about it. If something bothers us, I think we tell each other.. heh, well, at least I have.

Well, now that the weekdays are here, I won't be able to chat with him too long anymore, 'cos I have afternoon classes when it's evening in Germany and he's got swimming to 8, and then homework to do after that. It's okay, I guess. I really shouldn't be talking to him so much, but eh. I hate going outside the dorm because of my allergies. That and I've been sick since Friday. Blah. Had a stuffy nose the whole day Friday, nosebleed yesterday morning from 3-8 ish, and coughing all day today. Oooh, must take my medicine.

Oh yes, I also successfully finished a load of laundry yesterday morning. HA HA HA. I like not having to fiddle with so many options and having the options in German. Which is really why I never did laundry in Germany. Man I <3 the simplicity of pushing one of three buttons: whites, light colours, colours. Makes life so easy.

Ha ha, the first thing I wanna do to him when I see him in December is to poke him... but I also I want to kiss him... so I think I can get away with doing both. O ho ho ho ho.

I'll probably have some other random stuff to say later..... maybe. Who knows. Other than missing Jeff a whole bunch, having insane allergies (DAMMIT WHY AM I ALLERGIC TO BANANAS AND ORANGES AND APPLES WHYYYYYYYYY MEEEEEEEEE) from foods/trees/plants, and the disgusting lack of guys to hang out with, MHC is pretty cool. Yay for college! Lots of kiddies like the lack of cerfew, but I never really had a cerfew. But I'm not a party person, either, so whatever. I tend to stay away from social functions.

Oh yeah! I talked with Shanana last night. Weeee, we hadn't called or emailed each other for like, 10 months.... but we're still like, best friends. It rawks. ^_^ I kinda wanted to stop talking at one point, tho, 'cos my throat was really bothering me, but I'm still glad I got to talk to her. Yay, Banana!

Tina got some cute cards that she put on her wall that have different sayings... I like this one the best.....

"I bed you.. to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don't search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticiing it, live your way into the answer....."

~Rainer Maria Rilke

It makes me happy.

Okie dokie, I'm off to the community showers and then work on some of the n's and h's of hiragana. I really should hook up my TV now. I have a strange urge to play SSX Tricky. Hehe, it's my only "sports" game I have or can stand to play. Awwwww, I miss sleeping on Jeff's lap on days I was really tired while he played Dark Cloud 2.

P.S. Jeff is hot. I <3 my vampire.

Gawd, I have the schedule from hell. There's a long story... but I'm so tired right now and I have to study as much Japanese as I can so I can work on my other classes.

I keep getting dizzy and tired a lot during the day. It might be because orientation is making me sleep late past 11 and my body is retarded and keeps waking me up at 6. SIX. I never wake up at six if I can avoid it. I think my body isn't used to all the plants and stuff, either. There's a lot of grass on campus.... and a good number of orientation activities have been outside. Gah. I'm going to die from allergies and classes. ;_;

I miss my Jeff.

A lot of my time now is spent writing emails... and sometimes talking to people. I don't really post stuff anymore. Blah. I wanted to start a scrapbook... but with the way things are going... I probably won't be able to keep up.

Blah.

More orientation today. It's getting really annoying. I want to start classes, but I don't either because it means lots of work. Oh yeah, can't wait for those easy fun mid-terms and finals.... gaaaaah.

My academic advisor is from the art department, so I'm really glad. YAY.