Blah, I probably shouldn't be chatting with Jeff as much as I am... I chatted with him on and off for pretty much 6+ hours. Didn't really get much work done. Beh. Stupid work. None of it is really hard, but it's just so much. It's stupid. I don't feel like doing most of it. Which is mostly bio and chem. Chem I will do tho because I like chem. Bio I don't like so much, although it could just be because I picked 150B instead of 150A. :/ Too late now, but whatever. I'm still undecided whether I want to major in chem or bio. I'm leaning towards chem at the moment.
Japanese is fun. Yesterday at the language table we learned the Kaeru no Uta. :D It's so cute and it's about frogs. Kuwa. :D
Weeeee, anyway. Basically I was genki and happy talking to Jeff, then I got in a funky low mood, then was happy again, and then sad because I'm always sad when he has to leave.
The one thing I hate about chatting, tho, even with (ghetto) cams, you can't know the other person's feelings and properly react to them. I never know if someone's making a sarcastic comment unless it's outrageous and obviously sarcastic. Or if I know that person always make sarcastic comments. But Jeff doesn't. So it's really hard for me to know if I'm truely bugging him to death or if he can stand me teasing him. Which is why I get into funky moods, because then later we're like, eh, something earlier that you said/did bugged me. And it totally sucks. Because I don't want to hurt him. Neh. I really should try and be happier when I talk to him so he'll be happy, too... but I get sad if he's sad. So yeah, sometimes I feel like he doesn't pay attention to me enough while we're talking, but it's not his fault because that's just the way the internet is... and I guess I do the same, too. Stupid internet. But yeah, then he does pay attention to me and it's yay, happiness. Maybe I'm just too dependent or clingy. Gah.
I know I was sick a lot last year (totally sucked, too, I hope I don't get sick a lot this year), but it seemed like to me I cried a lot more second semester than first semester. I don't know if my happiness and sadness have to be at the same levels to keep in balance, because I was okeh first semester and didn't really get sad about anything, but after March/Aprilish I was really happy, and then, sometimes I have absolutely no clue why, I'd be really sad (and most of the time accompanied by crying, gah). Mostly around my period, but since I've left it's been whenever I think about Jeff and get sad that I can't see him. (About my crying... before I'd cry maybe every couple of months or once a month, but not really about anything in particular... I just did. And I would feel better afterwards. Now I cry a whole lot more (sometimes days at a time), usually just a few minutes, but while I'm crying I feel like a total retard for crying and then I'm crying about crying (is that possible) and then I stop and get miffed at myself for crying.
Sometimes I just hurt inside. I asked Jeff about that and he said it's because we love each other so much. That's what I thought, too, and so it's nice to know that he thinks that way, too... but it still sucks that we both hurt. It's not a great feeling at all.
We did have a sort of heart-to-heart at the end of the conversation... and although most of it was sad, there were some funny points.
And it's only been a month and a half. We still have three full months to go. Sigh.
Jeff is really supportive, tho. I hope I'm doing the same for him.
But I really do love Jeff... I do.
Japanese is fun. Yesterday at the language table we learned the Kaeru no Uta. :D It's so cute and it's about frogs. Kuwa. :D
Weeeee, anyway. Basically I was genki and happy talking to Jeff, then I got in a funky low mood, then was happy again, and then sad because I'm always sad when he has to leave.
The one thing I hate about chatting, tho, even with (ghetto) cams, you can't know the other person's feelings and properly react to them. I never know if someone's making a sarcastic comment unless it's outrageous and obviously sarcastic. Or if I know that person always make sarcastic comments. But Jeff doesn't. So it's really hard for me to know if I'm truely bugging him to death or if he can stand me teasing him. Which is why I get into funky moods, because then later we're like, eh, something earlier that you said/did bugged me. And it totally sucks. Because I don't want to hurt him. Neh. I really should try and be happier when I talk to him so he'll be happy, too... but I get sad if he's sad. So yeah, sometimes I feel like he doesn't pay attention to me enough while we're talking, but it's not his fault because that's just the way the internet is... and I guess I do the same, too. Stupid internet. But yeah, then he does pay attention to me and it's yay, happiness. Maybe I'm just too dependent or clingy. Gah.
I know I was sick a lot last year (totally sucked, too, I hope I don't get sick a lot this year), but it seemed like to me I cried a lot more second semester than first semester. I don't know if my happiness and sadness have to be at the same levels to keep in balance, because I was okeh first semester and didn't really get sad about anything, but after March/Aprilish I was really happy, and then, sometimes I have absolutely no clue why, I'd be really sad (and most of the time accompanied by crying, gah). Mostly around my period, but since I've left it's been whenever I think about Jeff and get sad that I can't see him. (About my crying... before I'd cry maybe every couple of months or once a month, but not really about anything in particular... I just did. And I would feel better afterwards. Now I cry a whole lot more (sometimes days at a time), usually just a few minutes, but while I'm crying I feel like a total retard for crying and then I'm crying about crying (is that possible) and then I stop and get miffed at myself for crying.
Sometimes I just hurt inside. I asked Jeff about that and he said it's because we love each other so much. That's what I thought, too, and so it's nice to know that he thinks that way, too... but it still sucks that we both hurt. It's not a great feeling at all.
We did have a sort of heart-to-heart at the end of the conversation... and although most of it was sad, there were some funny points.
And it's only been a month and a half. We still have three full months to go. Sigh.
Jeff is really supportive, tho. I hope I'm doing the same for him.
But I really do love Jeff... I do.
